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BY THE TIME I GOT OUT OF PHOENIX
My wife, Alice, and I were bumped from a plane at the Phoenix airport. We got free tickets, a hotel room and food vouchers. Our son Teddy — who wasn’t with us — thought it was the greatest deal of...
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BEST SHOW IN VEGAS
I was back from Las Vegas, attending a Shaker Heights brunch. Several people asked, “Did you play?” Did Yiddishe Cup play Vegas? I wish Yiddishe Cup had played Vegas. I had been in Las Vegas on...
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THE OPTIMAL LEVEL OF JEWISHNESS
If I didn’t lead a klezmer band, I might not hire one. Yiddishe Cup might be too Jewish for me. “Too Jewish” means anything — or anybody — more Jewish than oneself. Example: Franz Rosenzweig, a...
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SHREDDING IT
Cleveland is in the middle of the cereal belt. Shredded Wheat of Niagara Falls, New York, is to the east, and to the west is Kellogg’s of Battle Creek, Michigan. Shredded Wheat moved from Niagara...
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PINK GRAPEFRUIT ON A YELLOW TABLE
After my mother died, I put her furniture in storage in the basement of one of my apartment buildings on the West Side. The furniture sat there for five years. My older son, Teddy, took the furniture...
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COOL CLEVELAND
My daughter, Lucy, is a corporate event planner in Chicago. She has done work for the president, Oprah, McDonald’s, Coke and Target. She has worked gigs from Turkey to Australia. Maybe I’m not...
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I’M TWICE AS OLD AS YOU
I provoked old people, especially my mother-in-law. She would say, “They’re wearing their hair high in the 1940s look,” and I would say, “Who’s they?” Or she would say, “I don’t have any shoes to...
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THE BIG THRILL
I went to the White House for a Christmas party. Did you? My daughter, Lucy, works for a Chicago event-planning company, and she helped decorate the White House for Christmas. She got me in. Lucy...
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IN JEOPARDY
At a Detroit wedding, the bride came down the aisle to Barbra Streisand recordings. She paused several times to read from her childhood diaries. She had 109 journals. (She read only from a handful.)...
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SHOES — MY DAD’S
I. PURCELLS My father, Toby, had about 15 pairs of shoes when he died. I didn’t take any of his shoes, even though he and I wore the same size. He had a foot fungus, and my mother told me to pass....
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A WINDOW ON GLASSES
Ken Goldberg, a friend, came over for shabbes dinner and brought not only dessert, but an eyewear catalog. The catalog was from Ben Silver, a store in Charleston, South Carolina . . . “Tasteful and...
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BUY ONE DOG, GET ONE FREE
One dog isn’t enough. When I walk around Horseshoe Lake by my house, I see a lot of people with two dogs. On my last walk, I saw five people with two dogs, and one schnook with a schnauzer. My family...
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{TODAY I AM A MAN} X 2
My son Jack played his first professional gig with Yiddishe Cup at age 8, when I gave him five dollars to play “Wipe Out.” We were at a temple Chanukah party. Before that gig, he had done pro bono...
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RINGING HOME
I’m related to very few Strattons. So I became pretty excited when I came across Jon Stratton, author of Coming Out Jewish. (I found him on the Internet.) Another Stratton writing about Jewish...
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SLURPING THROUGH THE UPPER MIDWEST
My son Ted was interested in ice cream. One summer he worked the night shift at Pierre’s, loading ice cream onto trucks. One summer he worked at East Coast Custard on Mayfield Road, making shakes....
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SHREDDING IT
Cleveland is in the middle of the cereal belt. Shredded Wheat of Niagara Falls, New York, is to the east, and to the west is Kellogg’s of Battle Creek, Michigan. Shredded Wheat moved from Niagara...
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A WINDOW ON GLASSES
Ken Goldberg, a friend, came over for shabbes dinner and brought not only dessert, but an eyewear catalog. The catalog was from Ben Silver, a store in Charleston, South Carolina . . . “Tasteful and...
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T-SHIRT EXCHANGE
Whenever I get a new T-shirt, I throw out an old one. That’s my T-shirt inventory control method — a system I stole from my friend Carl. My 26-year-old son, Jack, takes my old T-shirts, which make...
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MY SON AND THE IRS
My younger son, Jack, got a certified letter from the IRS with a hand-written Post-it note on it. What did the gobierno want? The government usually sends unsigned computer-generated letters....
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CARMA
My son Ted parked his car at the Brookpark RTA lot and flew to Las Vegas. The RTA lot was cheaper than the airport lot. My son didn’t come back. I thought he was going on a vacation, but he got a job...
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